So, does it break some kind of blogger rule to post more than once in single day? Oh well, I've always been a bit of a rule breaker... I just usually like to do it in very subtle ways...
Anyway, just feeling the need to express today... I just recently weaned myself off of taking Cymbalta, actually I've only been on a Zero dose for 7 days now.... It's been a tough few days... I actually had to take time off form work as I was feeling so emotionally unable to cope...
Today is just kind of a strange day... I feel sad and happy all at the same time... I'm just home alone with my dogs and keep swinging between feeling like I want to cry, and I mean like really break down and weep, and feeling really happy, like I could dance around the apartment...
See I told you I was a Crazy Girl...
Truth is though I haven't really felt emotionally "ok" in over a year now... I decided to get off the Cymbalta as it seemed to exaggerate my emotional mood swings... and I started feeling and even acting pretty self destructive... nothing real terrible, except spending through my entire savings... lying to friends... pretending to be fine when I felt like I just wanted to roll over and die... pushing everyone who loves me away....
It's getting to the point it's hard to remember anymore what I felt like when I wasn't feeling emotionally extreme. I've even been wondering if what I remember about feeling ok, was even real... I mean was I just pretending to feel ok... was I just kidding myself and doing a really good job at repressing all these sad, depressed feelings...
I've finally decided I'm going to go see a psychologist... I don't know if they will be able to help me... honestly I don't have a lot of confidence that they can... but maybe if nothing else they can just tell me that I'm normal crazy instead of really crazy....
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